I need to find a good tattoo artist... I have so many ideas bouncing around in my head (and no ability to put them on paper).  I cannot draw for shit.  My tastes are very eclectic, too.  I find one aspect of a tattoo I like and I want to integrate it with a whole other set of ideas I already had. 

For the past year or so I've been wanting to get a tattoo of a phoenix on my arm to complement my sun tattoo, but there are just too many options for me to wrap my head around.  It's like I find an idea for a basic structure of the phoenix I want, and then I decide I don't really like the way it was done because I want like 100x more detail.  So I look around at other tattoos and I see other poses and layouts, and all of the sudden I want a different structure and definition.  I've gone from wanting a relatively simple piece on my upper arm to a piece that could potentially wrap around my arm, or go over my shoulder and half of my chest. 

What's obvious is that I need a tattoo artist who can draw freehand.  There are just too many ideas for me to incorporate into any one picture.  And besides that, there is no way I could get a really good transfer if this tattoo is going where I think it's going.  Besides that, I need to find a phoenix that looks the way I want it to look.  Every tattoo is different.  I've seen phoenixes with beaks like a parrot's, and I've seen phoenixes with wingspans that resemble an eagle's.  I've seen phoenixes with long, elegant tails that almost look like peacock feathers, and I've seen phoenixes in every color of the rainbow.  My mind is completely cluttered with ideas.

I really wish I could focus.  I don't want to end up with a tattoo that I'm not happy with...

Well I've had a couple things on my mind for the past week or so.  One is the fact that I will be moving out soon.  While this is definitely good news, I find it a little frightening.  Yes, I want to move out, and yes, I want to move out with Anna.  What scares me is that I don't know what the future will bring.  I know this fear of the unknown is perfectly normal, but I still worry; especially when I hear about people who have gone down the same path, and got burned on the way.  It's just recently happened to someone I know named Kat, and it's happened to me in the past with my former roommate, Mike.  Now I like to think that Anna and I would be able to work through some of the things that drive other people apart, but there are no guarantees in life.  There is no such thing as a "safe" method when it comes to taking big steps like this one.  All I can do is hope for the best.

The other thing that's been on my mind has been on mind has been Kat.  It's not a bad thing, really, to be thinking of my ex-girlfriend...  I just need to explain.  First of all, her fiance just called their wedding off.  To most people who weren't invited to the wedding, this wouldnt really matter.  But to me, it does.  You see, I always thought that even though things between Kat and I didnt work out, we could at least be happy with other people.  When I heard about her engagement, I was happy for her.  I thought to myself, "well now at least one of us is happy" and I kinda put her in the back of my mind.  In the meantime, I had fallen in love with Anna and was making my own plans for an engagement.  And then, two months before Kat's wedding, her fiance leaves her.  Now that she's alone again, I feel sorry for her.  I want to comfort her, but it's not exactly my place to do so.  In fact, I think it could do more harm than good.  What's really strange is that all this time I've been thinking - at least one of would get married and be happy... but... I never thought it would be me.